Spiralling
by Tori1999
Summary: After Lydia is broken out of Eichen, she kind of falls off the grid for a bit. But when she finally appears weeks later, everything in her life seems to go very wrong. She gets into fights and zones out at the worst possible times. Life is just one disaster after another.
1. Chapter 1

After Lydia got home everyone noticed it, the change in her. She never turned up to school or pack gatherings or anything in which she would leave her house. At first Scott told everyone to give her space, he claimed she just needed some time to adapt back into her old life. But after a week no one had seen or heard from her. Stiles had phoned her twice, texted her multiple times, Scott had left some concerned texts, Kira had called a couple of times and Malia had left her a supportive message. However none of the groups efforts had been able to reach Lydia. She was isolated, and it seemed that's how she wanted to be.

Exactly one week after Lydia left Eichen house Stiles had stopped by her house to check up on her. But Natalie, Lydia's mom, assured him she was just trying to catch up on her rest and that she would talk to him when she was ready. Stiles wasn't convinced but he knew he had to respect her boundaries. No one knew exactly what Lydia went through while she was locked up but it seemed to have traumatised her enough and Stiles didn't want to push her while she was vulnerable.

It had been two weeks since Lydia had seemingly fallen off the map when she finally saw the pack again. They were meeting up after school at their usual coffee shop when Lydia turned up completely out of the blue. Malia was the first to hug her with a huge grin plastered on her face, she told her that she was happy she was finally seeming more like herself despite Lydia being in sweatpants and a jumper.

As soon as Malia stepped back Kira straight away wrapped her arms around Lydia's neck, telling her she was happy to see her feeling better and that Lydia could always talk to her. Of course Lydia appreciated the sentiments but the least she wanted to do was talk about Eichen house, she didn't need to relive the memories, she was coping just fine locking them away.

Then Stiles hugged her, tightly, also with a stupid smile on his face. He whispered that he was glad she was okay. Even though Lydia too appreciated him, hearing him say that just made her feel worse, because she wasn't okay, she wasn't better or more herself either. She was just acting, playing the part of 'I'm fine' just like she always has. People told her she was strong but she wasn't. Lydia was weak, she always had been, she wasn't strong enough to deal with her problems like most people so she just pretended she was okay until it was natural enough for her to believe it herself. That was her life now, one tragedy after the next and all the pointless stuff in between.

"We're glad your back Lydia" Scott spoke, and she did her best fake smile, teeth and everything.

"Me too." And everyone just bought it, because anything on the contrary would mean they had more problems, and who wanted more?

* * *

Lydia yawned as she entered the kitchen. Her mom was pouring coffee into a mug, dressed in her proper work clothes which always included a patterned dress and matching heels. Lydia remembered when she used to notice her mom and all the effort she put into her appearance, she always complimented her when she looked particularly nice. She never did that anymore, who really cares?

Ever since her mum locked her away in a mental facility Lydia never looked at her the way she used to.

"Hey, you want any coffee?" Her moms voice was kind as always, hiding layers upon layers of resentment.

Lydia shook her head with her lips pressed together. She wasn't getting out of the habit she picked up in Eichen house. Talking as little as possible.

"Look, sweetie I think we should chat." Natalie set the coffee jug on the counter and looked at Lydia with a concerned expression. "The school aren't going to put up with your absence forever, you're going to have go back eventually." Lydia sighed out of boredom. She was going to go back, just not on anyone else's terms. "I just don't think there's much point in putting it off any longer, it's been three weeks, are you sure you're not ready yet."

"Mom seriously-"

"Just go today, you only have a couple of lessons anyway you can go home as soon as you're done."

"I don't think-"

"Lydia, I don't know how else to say this but you have to go to school and study and finish the year, or they're just going to kick you out." Lydia could hear the impatience in her mother's voice and rolled her eyes. She didn't even need to stay an extra year who cared if she didn't turn up. "What is it, are you scared-?"

"No!" Lydia cut her mom off abruptly, anger clear in her tone. Lydia wasn't afraid of school, a few years ago she practically owned it.

"Well then I think you can survive one day." Her mother flashed her a close mouthed smile and handed her the mug of coffee before leaving the room.

Lydia stood alone with her hot drink, she felt sick to her stomach. Her mom hadn't really given her anymore options other than to go to school and she hated that. She felt powerless and that made her angry. Not bothering with the drink she dropped the mug on the floor carelessly, staring straight ahead calmly, hearing it smash to pieces at her feet.

* * *

As she entered through the school doors everything she never thought about came back to her. Lessons, teachers, pupils, grades, books, everything. She was ready for this, for school. She hadn't let herself think very far ahead, of what going back to school meant, but she could see it now. It was over, Eichen house, the dread doctors, the desert wolf. Now she was back to waiting, back to getting on with her life until some other murderous creature came out of the woodwork and the cycle started again. She didn't know how many of these cycles she'd survive, Allison was finally taken in one. Lydia didn't want to wait for something else. She couldn't let her life be just this. She needed to have control, she needed to have control over her future.

"Lydia!" She heard Stiles call her name from the other end of the hall. She snapped out of her daze and looked up to see him pushing past the pupils, making his way towards her. "Hey, you came to school today, that's great." He stood in front of her each hand pulling on the straps of his backpack. She gave him a tight lipped smile before looking away. She knew Stiles was saying something but she couldn't focus on him at the moment.

"D'you see that, crazy girls back. What d'you think took her so long, the voices in her head told her she should milk it for another week?" A boy from the year below was talking to a girl as he leaned against a locker. The guy's head was down as he chuckled coyly meaning he didn't see her approach.

She was centimetres away when he finally saw her, she was walking purposefully towards him, a determined expression on her face. She could see the fear clear in his eyes, it was immediate, and intensified when she pushed him back into the lockers with her forearm across his throat. She felt powerful, in control, which was a pleasant change to how she had been feeling lately.

"You wanna' say that to my face, jackass?" Her tone was calm and even.

She could hear apologies rolling off his tongue but she didn't listen to a word of them. He was scared, and she loved it, revelled in it. He couldn't stop her, couldn't force her off, she was free and unstoppable.

Lydia heard Stiles' pleads to 'drop it' and 'let him go'. Not even her brown haired, stuttering boy could tell her what to do.

Her knee connected with the kid's groin and he doubled over in pain. She took advantage of his position, grabbing him by the shoulders and with strength she knew she had, threw his lanky frame across the hall. People moved out the way as his back slammed against the lockers, resonating a loud thud. Lydia left no time to spare as she approached the defenceless guy and kicked him in the gut as hard as she could. She then continued to do so, over and over again, her hands supporting her on the lockers. Redness seemed to spill onto the floor after the fourth kick.

She nearly struck him a sixth time until two strong arms flung her back. The abrupt collision with the grey metal caused her head to whip back, radiating pain through her body. Closing her eyes in a wince, Lydia reached a hand to the back of her head, there didn't seem to be any blood.

The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes were Scott's staring right back into hers. She saw his hands on her arms before she felt them. He looked intense and shocked, she pushed him back as if he'd burnt her. She wasn't his responsibility and he didn't need to act like he had to fix her.

As she looked to her left she saw the crowds of people gathered around staring in absolute shock. It was in that moment her hearing seemed to kick in and she could hear all their gasps, whispers, shouts, all of it. She looked over to Scott with the same judgemental look on his face and noticed Malia standing behind him to the left. Her arms were flexed and she looked ready to tackle. Lydia knew, somehow, she was the one who pushed her away from the kid. Her eyes were wide and shocked, fixated on Lydia...just like Stiles' were.

He was stood next to Malia staring at her incredulously. He was clearly shocked but there was something else there, disappointment. That was by far the worse look she was getting. She didn't owe Stiles anything neither did she have to live up to his expectations, yet the look still bothered her.

* * *

Her hands gripped the steering wheel in an attempt to stop them shaking so violently. She was staring straight ahead, motionlessly, into the school parking lot. Thoughts were rushing through her head, what the hell was she doing? Did the Eichen house doctors do something to her? Did the dread doctors do something to her? Was that poor kid ok? A knocking on her passenger window startled her causing her to suck in a short breath.

Stiles was bent down, peering in through the glass with an expectant look on his face. Lydia felt stubborn and looked away, silently refusing to let him in. She didn't want to deal with his questions right now and neither did she have to.

"Lydia, hey open up" his voice was clear through the window yet she still ignored him "c'mon...Lydi-"

"Go away Stiles" Lydia still didn't look at him. "I don't need anyone telling me I'm crazy." Lydia let out a loud huff and ran a hand through her hair. She was frustrated, all she wanted was to be left alone to self-loathe.

"Seriously, after everything we've been through, I'd never call you crazy" he said the word like it was the first time, as if it was alien to him. She turned to look at him in the window. His eyes were so honest it made her heart swell.

Reluctantly she unlocked the car allowing him to climb in, which he did immediately.

"I get if you don't wanna talk about it-"

"I don't." She answered, barely letting him finish his sentence. "Crap" Lydia muttered under her breath as she saw her mom walk out of the school doors looking around the lot. Without giving Stiles a chance to even process what was going on she pulled out of the school as fast as possible.

"Woah, hey slow down." Stiles panicked as he clutched the dashboard.

She pressed her foot to the gas as they got onto a straight road.

"Lydia are you sure you're okay to drive?" She ignored him.

"Lydia, c'mon" the road was empty in front of her, trees on either side. It was like she was drowning, his voice was lost in her head.

* * *

Stiles heart was speeding up almost as fast as the car was, Lydia was about to break 80mph and showing no signs of slowing down. "Lydia pull over...Now!" He started yelling as she centred the car in the middle of the road. They reached 90mph and Stiles was damn scared.

Lydia wasn't even listening it was like she was somewhere else completely, staring onto the open road ahead. Stiles was still yelling at her to stop the car, to snap out of it but she continued to be unresponsive.

The speed just hit 100mph as a Lorry spun round the corner a couple miles in front. Lydia turned the wheel so the car was heading directly for it.

"Lydia no! Stop!" Stiles didn't waste a second before he reached over and grabbed the steering wheel, sharply turning it.

The car missed the Lorry by a centimetre which seemed to snap Lydia out of her daze. Her foot came immediately off the gas and onto the break, only it was too late as the car flew off the road and collided straight on with a huge oak tree.

Both the teens were thrown forward before flopping back on their seats, heads flying back and fourth.

* * *

The first thing Lydia felt when she came too was a sharp pain in her neck. She winced and groaned reaching a hand to her head. "Lydia, hey, you okay?"

She turned her head with a grimace to see Stiles' worried expression. They were still in the car with seat belts around the bodies and deflated air bags in front of them. She looked Stiles up and down and he seemed okay, no blood or bruises.

"My leg, I think it's jammed" the car was completely crushed at the front so she had no idea what was digging into her ankle.

Stiles tried to lean over and see but eventually gave up. "I'm gonna get help okay, the lorry driver just drove off so just sit tight" he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell, which was surprisingly in tact, before climbing out of her now ruined car.

She could barely hear him outside on the phone, Lydia was too focused on trying to get her foot out. She tried pulling it up but something sharp was clawing at her ankle. She let out an irritated groan as angry tears gathered in her eyes. This was all her fault, there was something seriously wrong with her.

"Lydia, you alright?" Stiles face appeared as he opened her door to get a better look at her feet.

"I'm fine I just can't get my foot out." Her tone was clearly impatient.

"Just hang in there, the police are on their way."

* * *

"Well everything seems fine considering, minimal bruising on your temple and a cut on your left foot, none of which will have any lasting damage" Melissa recalled as she looked at her file. "Your x-ray's show no fractures or broken bones...so you got pretty lucky". Lydia was sat on the edge of a hospital bed, her legs dangling.

"Yeah, I mean that truck kinda just came out of nowhere"

Stiles had told her to lie while they were waiting, he claimed no one else needed to know what happened and Lydia was more than happy to comply.

Everything happened pretty fast once the ambulance arrived. They managed to get her out of the car and into the ambulance where they determined that she was in fact fine but without proper tests they couldn't be sure. Stiles rode in the ambulance with her repeatedly asking if they were sure she was okay. It was endearing at first but that soon wore off.

She found it wasn't at all like the movies where everyone crowds round in a panic and see a still body being pulled out on a stretcher, then in the ambulance all the medics are frantic but strangely calm, doing everything like they'd done it a thousand times. It was actually pretty dull, the journey was around 10 minutes long, there were no sirens or flashing lights just an uncomfortable silence as they waited to get to the hospital. The doctor told her they would notify her parents as soon as they got her information but she told him not to worry.

When they arrived Melissa met them at the door, clearly not expecting to see them. She insisted Stiles get himself checked out who reluctantly agreed. Then she had x-rays and vital checks and now here she is sat on a hospital bed. Her mum was waiting in the lobby after Lydia told her to wait somewhere else, there was no need for Natalie to stand there and make little pitiful comments the whole time.

"You're pretty much free to go." Melissa smiled that typical mum smile they all seemed to have.

"Thank you." Lydia whispered as she slid off the bed.

Melissa held a hand out the stop her "I ask you this as a friend not a nurse...are you okay? Scott told me about Eichen house and he brought this kid in a couple hours ago, said something happened between the two of you?" Melissa sounded confused as she spoke, like she was expecting Lydia to say it was all just a misunderstanding.

Lydia let out a soft chuckle, "yeah, I kinda lost my temper a little, but I'm okay, momentary lapse of judgement." Lydia smiled again as she attempted a second time to leave.

Again Melissa stopped her. "Are you sure, I mean he had a broken rib-and y'know, he was pretty banged up"

"He had a broken rib?" Lydia's voice was barely above a whisper.

Melissa's hands quickly shot out to comfort her, rubbing her biceps sympathetically. "He's gonna be okay, they didn't operate in the end."

"They were gonna _operate_?!"

"I have a feeling I should stop talking" Melissa seemingly said to herself.

"Oh my god, I had no idea." Lydia said hurriedly. As she began to rush out the room, ignoring Melissa's calls.

She was welcomed into the lobby with her mother rushing up to her and asking if she was okay. Lydia pushed past her and walked straight up to the brown eyed boy with a concerned look, "where is he?" Her voice was frantic and desperate.

Stiles looked surprised at first like he was expecting her to say something else, but the look was soon replaced with confusion "who?"

"The guy...the guy f-from school" she stuttered in her rush.

"Oh!" Stiles' eyes widened in realisation. "Scott...Scott's with him, they're just like 2 floors up, c'mon." She followed Stiles thought the corridors of sick people and into the elevator at the bottom of the hall. The second the doors closed he turned to her. "Are you okay, what did Melissa say?"

"I'm fine, she said there was no lasting damage." Stiles reached up to her temple to see the bruise there.

"Good." He pulled his hand back after a second.

"How about you? Are you hurt?" Stiles could sense the hidden worry in her voice and was silently touched.

"I'm fine, not a bruise" he smiled down. A moment of peacefulness settled on them but was cut short as the elevator doors opened. Scott was sat on a chair about halfway up the corridor nursing a cup of coffee, he looked tired.

Lydia approached Scott not bothering with pleasantries, "Is he in there?"

Scott looked shocked for a second before his human nature took over. "Lydia! Are you okay? What happened with the accident, Stiles said it would be better coming from you...?" He searched her eyes as if they would somehow give anything away.

She rolled her eyes at his blatant ignorance "I'm fine, is he in there?" She spoke more forcefully this time.

Scott spared a glance at Stiles before looking towards the ground "Lydia, I don't think it's a good idea you go in there, he's pretty shaken up." His voice was so soft it made her stomach churn.

"What do you mean? I'm just gonna talk to him." She tried to just go past him to the door but he put an arm around her middle and pushed her back.

"Lydia, you're _not_ going in there." She saw the change immediately, he looked her in the eyes this time, there was no sympathy in his voice, this was an alpha talking to someone in his pack.

"Scott, I need to apologise." She pleaded with him, but his jaw was set and there was no hesitation in his stance.

"No, not now. He's scared and he's vulnerable. You attacked him for telling some pathetic joke, don't you understand that?!" His voice has rose "he's 15 years old and has a broken rib, he's probably not going to be in school again for months, and that's for a physical recovery. Who knows what kind of emotional scars you've caused!" He was almost to full blown yelling when Stiles held his hand out gently telling Scott that was enough. He took a few deep breaths before turning away from her. She felt even worse as Scott was struggling to even look at her. He took another deep breath, this one sounding more like a resolve. "I know that there's something wrong with you, I do. But right now, until we figure this thing out, you have to stay out of school, just stay indoors, I don't want you hurting anyone else, especially when there's no one there to stop you. Okay?" He was watching her closely as if she could kick off at any second.

Lydia nodded obediently. She felt Stiles' hand on her back guiding her away, she blindly followed. She felt numb all over. Scott was right, who knows what she would've done to that child if no one had pulled her off. She wouldn't of killed him though...right? Not like she almost killed Stiles. She barely remembers what happened. All she can recall is thinking nothing, her movements were controlled, and she had control over her body but her mind was blank, she nearly killed her best friend because she couldn't think of anything else to do. She had to fix this before anyone else got hurt.

* * *

They left the hospital out the back to avoid running into her mother again. Neither said a word; Lydia was seemingly in a trance after what Scott had forced her to realise, and Stiles had simply nothing to say to her. He knew Scott was right, about everything he said. Including the part about how something was wrong with her. ' _What'_ was the question that was floating around his mind. He had no idea. Was it supernatural? Dread doctors? Eichen? So many thoughts wafted through his head, but one in particular he couldn't quite shake the thought of. What if Lydia was possessed? Chances are it wouldn't be another nogitsune, that would be too easy of course. This would be something they've never encountered before, have no idea what to do with, and end up taking months to figure out a way to kill, in which time innocent people have been murdered, or turned, or what ever else this thing could do because they have no clue what it is. He hears his dad call his name from across the car park. He was leaning against his police car. The hospital had called him while he was on duty and told him Stiles had been in an accident. However they had failed to tell him that he was okay and Sheriff Stillinski had driven like a maniac with his car lights flashing only to run into the hospital to see his son sat in one of the waiting room chairs a bored expression on his face and not a single scratch in sight. He'd then waited with Stiles to see if Lydia was ok, before going to get a coffee and getting a text from his son to meet him outside to drive him and his lunatic banshee friend home.

He walked said friend to the car and sat with her in the back seats. He knew he was staring at her and he knew she knew too, but he just didn't care. She looks so sad it broke his heart. He tried his best not to reach for her hand, but he had to do something. Her eyes were staring straight ahead they were slightly wet and empty. He just wanted to make the pain or the guilt go away. She jumped a little when he touched her but then she looked at him making eye contact for only a second and relaxed. He wanted to tell her it was all going to be okay but his dad was _right there_. He didn't him getting suspicious of what really happened, so he settled for giving her a reassuring smile and squeezing her much smaller hand in his.

The car ride was pretty much silent, he wasn't sure whether it was out of fear of saying the wrong thing or out of respect for his friend, but his dad never spoke a word. He tried his best not to watch Lydia too much but he couldn't help the anxiety he was feeling. He didn't think Lydia would actually do anything but she was sat right behind his dad, like _right behind._ It was stupid, yes, but after all the times he nearly lost his father, forgive him for being a little over protective. The thought of protecting his father _from_ Lydia seemed weird. He tried not to over think it.

* * *

She wanted to say something to Stiles, she really did. She wanted to apologise and tell him that she wouldn't of known what she would've done with herself if he was hurt, but his dad didn't know, and she wasn't going to be the one to break it to him that she tried to kill his son.

Stiles never let go of her hand the whole trip. She didn't really want to let go of his either. She appreciates him, she really does, but what she needs right now is to be alone, she can't look him in the eyes without remembering what she did. She felt so immensely guilty. For hurting that kid, whose name she should really find out, and for totalling her car and just everything that happened today.

The car came to a stop outside her house. She thanked the Sheriff for the lift before walking up to her front door, luckily her mum must've forgotten to lock the door when she rushed out because Lydia had literally nothing on her. She opened the door and stepped into the familiar door way. So much had happened since she left this morning. It was almost dark now, considering it was still in the middle of summer. She turned around to wave Stiles and his dad goodbye only to find Stiles jogging up the stone path towards her.

"Hey, wait up!" He called waving a hand to her as if she wasn't looking directly at him.

"Stiles, I'm fine, go home." She moaned. She noticed the car behind him pulling away slowly "Stiles you're dad he's leaving." She sounded half confused half surprised.

He glanced behind him dismissively which only confused her more. "Yeah, I told him I'd stay here tonight. He understands." He sounded so unsure.

"Understands? Understands what? There's nothing to understand!" She was almost shouting, which when she thought about did seem kind or unreasonable.

"Y'know, you went through a lot today. And after everything don't you think it's best you're not alone tonight?" It sounded more like a statement than a question.

"I don't need a babysitter so you better call your dad and tell him to come back." She left no room for argument yet just like Stiles always did he found a way.

"Well I don't have my phone and neither do you so..." She rolled her eyes, tempted to just shut the door in his face and leave him to find his own way. Not that he wouldn't just sit on her doorstep and wait for her to give in, which of course she would.

"Fine." She gave in still not moving from the doorway. They stood tensely for a few moments, Lydia refusing to move and Stiles refusing to ask her to move because he knew she was doing it on purpose. In an attempt to get her to step backwards he takes a step forward until they're almost chest to chest. He hears her inhale sharply but she doesn't move. His heart is racing a little, by a little he means a lot. They've certainly never been this close before. They were so close he can smell her perfume. If he were to lean down just a little...

She takes a step back huffing clearly annoyed at losing their little game. He can't say he's not disappointed she gave up so quickly. The rest of the night drags by, she was pretty touchy all evening so he opted to watch a movie to try and limit the amount of talking. They watched 3 movies that were all romantic comedies, all picked by Lydia because every time he tried to compromise with her she'd bite his head off, figuratively.

Her mum had come home about 20 minutes after them and had yelled at Lydia for a good half hour, Stiles had tried to stay out of it but he knew Lydia was tired and irritated and didn't want to deal with her mother right now. Som when he explained to her mum that Lydia was just shaken up and it was him that had persuaded her to leave without telling her. She didn't roll her eyes or tell him she didn't need him to fight her battles for her. Instead she just gave him a small smile when he looked at her. That's probably why he didn't seem to mind when Natalie gave him one of those looks she had when she was making another mental note of something that happened that was his fault. She really didn't seem to like him.

In all fairness Lydia's annoyance at him was toned down for the rest of the night, nevertheless it was still there.

So when she told him to take the left side of the bed, he didn't argue that he'd sleep on the floor or the sofa, nor did he say he always slept in the middle. Trying his best not to give her a reason to be pissed at him, not that she wasn't doing a superb job at finding them anyway, he kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his jacket before climbing into the bed. He made sure to turn on his side while she got changed so that he wouldn't be watching her, but when he felt the bed dip next to him he couldn't help but turn to see her. She was already facing him; her hair was tied up with a bobble, her face makeup-less and fresh and he couldn't see what she was wearing exactly under the covers but he knew it wasn't much, not that he even cared right now anyway because she had a look in her eye. He was pretty sure the last time she looked at him like this was back when he was comforting her when she got upset about not finding Barrow in the school. She looked so shocked that someone could care so much abut her. He wasn't sure what exactly had gone right tonight to warrant such a look but he couldn't bring himself to break the moment and ask. He was facing her completely now. It felt like hours that they just stared at each other and honestly he could've gone for a lot longer just looking at her but she didn't seem to feel the same.

Her voice came out like a whisper, as if she didn't know exactly how this would go down. "I'm sorry, for today. I'm sorry that I've been mean to you, I'm sorry I almost killed you, and that I beat up that boy. I'm really sorry." He doesn't think he's ever really seen her like this. She looks like she's about to cry. Sure he's seen her cry before, like once. But this was different, _how,_ he didn't know, but it was.

"It's okay, I get it." He whispered too. He wanted to wipe her tears away but he had a feeling that would be too far.

"How? I've been awful to you all night, and that's it...you just get it?" She was still looking at him like that. As if he was some awe inspiring creation made just for her.

"I get it, I just do, okay? I get that you feel guilty, and you were just trying to wind me up so i would get mad at you. I get that you want me to yell at you and blame you for everything. I get that you need me to hate you for what you did so that you can get what you think you deserve. But, Lydia, it wasn't your fault, okay? You can't blame yourself, it wasn't you in that hallway and it wasn't you in the car. I know you, and I know you aren't capable of those things. You're good Lydia"

She kissed him. She actually kissed him. He watched her lean forwards in the bed and he felt her hand on the back of his neck pulling him forwards and he felt her lips on his. It was honestly the most amazing feeling he's ever had. It took him a while, but eventually he snapped out of his daze and responded, it was slow at first, neither moved much. But then something kicked in and he started pulling her closer. She deepened the kiss letting her nails scrape across his scalp. It was incredible, every second of it. Until it wasn't.

He felt her nimble fingers pull at the front of his jeans and his senses came back to him. They were a blessing and a curse, because he remembered exactly what he'd been saying just moments ago. He pulled her wrists away from his crotch and tried his best to savour the last few seconds before she pulled away. She looked the most beautiful he'd ever seen her, although he's pretty sure he says that every time he sees her. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips pouty from their little make out session. God, he really wanted to kiss her again.

Her eyes were so confused, boring into his. He let go of her wrists and rolled onto his back sighing. He couldn't look at while she was like that and trust himself not to do something stupid.

"What is it? Did I do something?" He could practically hear the insecurity in her voice.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong it's just..." He sighed again. This had to be the worst timing possible.

"Just what?" She sounded slightly annoyed but he just put that down as impatience.

"Lydia, you're not _you_ right now. The _you_ you, I'd love to do this with, but _this_ you, I can't Lyds." He swallowed still not daring to look at her.

"Right" he felt the bed move as she got up. He wanted to go after her, but he wasn't exactly sure what he'd say. He doesn't regret stopping it and he meant what he'd said, it didn't mean it hurt any less though, for either of them. He heard the door shut and the light footsteps going down the stairs. He tried to just go to sleep, but it felt wrong sleeping in Lydia's bed without her there. She was gone for what felt like hours but according to her alarm clock was in fact 23 minutes. He smelt the alcohol on her as soon as she climbed in next to him. He didn't say anything. Nevertheless he fell asleep a lot quicker when he felt her hand intertwine with his.

* * *

Lydia woke up the next morning with a small gasp. She wasn't sure why but she felt out of breath, very out of breath. It was almost like she'd been drowning and only just broke the water for air. Her first reaction was to check where she was, the sudden dreaded feeling that she wasn't in her room anymore. She opened her eyes and scanned the room. She saw her dresser and her alarm clock and then the dreading feeling was gone. She was home. After that she acknowledged that she wasn't alone. She turned to see Stiles awake and looking at her contently. She felt her heart rate slow down.

"You okay?" His voice was laced with sleep and his eyes seemed slightly drowsy, how could someone be this adorable at 7 o'clock in the morning. She shook the thought away immediately.

"Yeah" she sounded just as tired as he did, her voice coming out as a whisper. Her head was throbbing, which she assumed was due to the vodka shots she downed the night before. After Stiles had rejected her, she just knew she couldn't lay there next to him anymore. She felt like everything was falling apart around her. She was so obviously out of her mind, and as much as Stiles did understand her, no one seemed to understand what this was. Last night for a minute there she had forgotten it all. She didn't feel guilty, Stiles made her forget. But then he'd reminded her. He'd said that the reason he couldn't be with her was because of the one thing she just wanted to move on from. Guaranteed, it had only been 10 hours.

So when Stiles stopped being able to make her forget she opted for a more reliable source, her mothers liquor cabinet.

"We should probably get up 'round about now." He glanced at the clock behind her before meeting her eyes again. He didn't move, enjoying the moment too much.

"Mmhm" Lydia didn't feel like getting up and she sure as hell wasn't going to school. Not the day after she beat someone up in front of every damn pupil in that god forsaken place.

Stiles hesitated for a moment before getting up. She assumed he _was_ going to school, considering he wasn't the school nut job. And he did, he didn't speak to her much, he wanted to get home as soon as possible so he would have time to shower and change. She doesn't know exactly how he got home considering he had no phone or car. But ten minutes after he shut the door to her bedroom she wandered downstairs to find him gone. She didn't text him or call him. In fact she didn't make contact with anyone. Her mums name popped up on the home phone screen a couple times through the day but she didn't answer.

* * *

Somehow weeks seemed to fly by after that day. Her mum came home to tell her that after her little altercation in the hallway she would be spending a few months doing her studies at home. Basically they kicked her out for 6 weeks with a promise that there would be no charges pressed and it wouldn't be on her permanent record as long as she did exactly as she was told. Surely she should care more about her education being ruined but she had bigger problems to deal with.

So to pass the time while all her friends were studying and revising for tests and exams, she shopped, and read, and went for coffee, and went to museums and did literally anything to pass the time.

And bless their hearts they tried so hard. Stiles researched almost every night about possessing spirits and behaviour changing drugs and anything he could think of to excuse what she did. Kira spoke to her mum and her dad and anyone else she could find about banshees and things that happened to them. And Scott spoke to Deaton, he didn't really know what else to do. Yet no matter how hard they tried, it was useless. Lydia knew what was wrong, and it wasn't supernatural. It was PTSD. It was human, and there was no amount of herbs or spells or Druids that could wish it away. So as the weeks past and every evening she'd get texts and calls about new leads on how to _fix_ her she started to resent them. Even though she knew they had good intentions she started hating them, a little more every time they said 'we're gonna _fix_ you.' And it built up. Her self-respect that she'd been earning since she got over Jackson was just dissipating. She hated herself more and more. Every time she looked in the mirror she just saw a broken little girl who needed saving, and after a month of self-loathing she had definitely hit rock bottom.

So when she met Lucas Miller in a coffee shop it was a surprisingly nice change of pace. He was new in town and a couple years older than her meaning he wasn't aware of the gossip that travelled down the corridors Beacon Hills High School these days. It was nice. He didn't know about werewolves or banshees or kitsunes (or at least he didn't mention them if he did) and he didn't know she was in a pack, or that she spent a month in a mental institute or that she wandered around the woods naked for nine days. He made her forget. He made her forget when he told her he liked her, and when they kissed for the first time and when he first told her about his line of work. He also made her forget when he told her to smoke the joint he gave her, and when he convinced her to snort the white powders he brought for her, and when he offered the pills he had. Every time she took somethinghe gave her she forgot, and she didn't have to feel guilty or hurt or worthless or...anything. She could just be numb. Feeling numb was so much better.

* * *

A/N: Hopefully I will upload Chapter 2 as soon as possible, so please follow and favourite.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

"Hey, Scott, wait up!" Stiles yelled as he jogged to catch up with his best friend."

"Stiles, hey, look I've gotta' get to class." Scott slowed down a little so they were walking side by side but didn't stop. He had AP biology first period and his teacher was getting on his back for his grades lowering after his attendance also lowered last term. With all the supernatural disasters school had become temporarily dropped from his list of priorities. But now it had relatively calmed down and being a vet was back to his number one goal.

"They found another body." Stiles stated it plain and simple, his voice sounded tired and exasperated. He pulled his friend, not so smoothly, to not the nearest empty classroom and locked the door behind them.

"Another one? When?" Scott questioned, searching Stiles' eyes 'cause they usually seemed to give everything away. The Sheriff had found three bodies in the last 2 weeks. They all seemed to be your run of the mill murder, one was stabbed, another strangled and the third killed in a hit and run. There was no suspicion that they were linked apart from the fact that the blood work showed all the bodies had some herb that the hospital couldn't identify. Scott had tried to get it to Deaton but as of yet had been unsuccessful.

"Last night, the body was in the river. They think he drowned but until the autopsy comes back who knows. Anonymous caller though." They both knew what that meant. Lydia. There'd been an anonymous caller for the last 2 bodies after she stopped calling Stiles. That was another reason they were suspicious of the nature of the deaths. "Dad's said she has to stop. Sooner or later they're gonna' track the call to her phone and when they have to interview her as a suspect there's not gonna' be much he can do for her if she doesn't have an alibi."

"So you're gonna talk to her? When was the last time you two actually spoke?" Scott asked raising an eyebrow. It was true, they hadn't spoken in a long time. 12 weeks to be precise. That wasn't down to him though. He'd tried so hard to get her to open up about everything that happened, but he kept coming up empty handed each time. It was back to those few weeks after Eichen. Then she stopped talking to Kira as well, and Malia, and Scott. Surprisingly, out of all of them the one she actually spoke the most to was Liam. Apparently she'd say hi to him at least a couple times a week, and a few days ago she sat and had coffee with him and Hayden when they ran into each other. Liam said she just asked a load of questions about what was going on with the pack, and then she'd made him blush talking about him and Hayden. To Liam it wasn't that big of a deal, they weren't particularly close, but to Stiles it was everything. It meant that things were getting better. He took it as a sign that she was coming around, finally. Until literally _nothing_ changed after _five_ days.

"Look, I'll just warn her to be more careful, it's not like I'm gonna lecture her alright, it's cool." Stiles shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, but they both knew it was. He had to be missing Lydia more than the rest of the pack combined, which was more of a comment on him than them. Neither Stiles nor Lydia had dared bring up what happened that night. He knew that if he mentioned it she'd just downplay it. He'd rather preserve the memory as something meaningful for the both of them.

"Well she has a lesson now so she should be in school this morning." Scott challenged as if he didn't believe Stiles had the balls to talk to her.

Stiles didn't dignify the doubt with a response. He gave Scott a smug smile before walking out back into the busyness that came with a Monday morning. He scanned the corridors as he walked through them making sure to pass her locker on the way. She wasn't there. Neither was she in her next classroom. He started to wonder whether she would actually turn up today, she did find a corpse last night. In one last attempt he went into the school car park to try and spot if her car was parked up. Her car wasn't there but Lydia sure as hell was. Clear as day he saw her in a black Mercedes, sat in the passenger seat, lent across the middle console, making out with a dirty blonde haired boy. And they weren't just kissing a little, her hands were in his hair and Stiles couldn't even see where her little boyfriends hands had wandered. He felt his stomach churn and he had the urge to vomit. Watching the girl he...well...with another guys tongue down her throat was not an ideal way to start the day. It wasn't like this was the first time he'd witnessed something like this. Lydia had never been one to shy away from PDA. Neither was this the first time he'd found out she was currently dating the new kid on the block. It was hard to determine whether he was just her new play thing or whether she was serious about it, since the guy was in college, and Stiles had never actually met him. He'd been hearing rumours about the two's shenanigans for a while but only when he asked her about it, and she confirmed they were a thing, he would really let himself believe she'd moved on from whatever they had. It's safe to say that what he's feeling right now was not something someone who's moved on would be feeling. Maybe back in sophomore year he would've just rolled his eyes that she'd found just another boy to pull her attention from him yet again. But now, it hurt.

He had to look away when he saw her snake her arm around his neck and pull him impossibly closer, showing no signs of slowing down. He thought he was going to cry, he really thought that right there facing the doors to his high school, he was just going to break down and cry. He couldn't do this whole not caring thing anymore. He cared, why did he have to care so damn much? Of course he knew the answer to that.

He wasn't sure what hurt the most, the fact that she wasn't with him or the fact that she was with him. The fact that Lydia was dating the sandy haired guy wasn't the only whispers going around about him. There were a few different stories being spread, all of them seemed to have the same nature. Kira had mentioned that she'd overheard someone saying Miller moved here because the police were after him on GBH, his dad said that wasn't true. Jamie, from his history class, said he got thrown out of his last school for selling drugs to other pupils, and the only reason he wasn't done for it was because his dad had deep pockets.

The one that Stiles was most concerned about was some gossip that Scott had heard while they were in the library. Two girls were talking some bull crap about Lydia, when one of them mentioned spotting her and Miller smoking something on her front porch while she was walking her new puppy. They then began chatting about said dog and Scott turned to tell Stiles what he heard. Stiles of course being Stiles, had gone straight to her locker, where she was lazily pulling books, and dragged her by the arm into some random classroom, making sure to lock the door behind him. He'd planned to start out gentle and try a more calm approach but it turned out the time it took him to walk from the library to Lydia wasn't enough time to calm himself down. He probably used every sarcastic comment he could come up with to accuse her boyfriend of being a drugged up dead beat, among other things. He'd told her about all the things he'd heard about Miller and insisted each story couldn't be all lies. She'd then responded with a few expletives and insults, before she said that maybe if he heard what people said about him behind his back he wouldn't be so quick to judge. He had to give her credit, she sure knew how to get to him. She left after that, he didn't go after her. Eventually he accepted that there wasn't much he could do about it. Lydia was Lydia; if she wanted to do something there was nothing anyone could do to stop her. He just had to sit back and trust that she would never do what she was being accused of.

Ironically, it was Malia who came out of the doors and almost walked right into him. He assumed she was rushing to skip class as per usual, she had never been particularly academic.

"Woah, hey!" He could tell she wasn't sure who's fault it was, whether she should be pissed or not, that they collided. She looked at him for a moment then her eyes wandered to the car behind him and she sighed "oh...Stiles are you-"

"I'm fine." He didn't let her finish. Him and Malia had been separated for nearly a year now and there were no hard feelings between them, despite this he didn't really want to discuss his relationship - if he could even call it that - with the resident banshee with anyone, especially not his ex-girlfriend. He pushed past her and back into school, he had physics class.

* * *

Lydia pulled away from Lucas reluctantly. She didn't want to end their little session but AP biology was one of the few classes she didn't want to fail. She pried his hands off of her body, pulling away smiling. He was laughing as she fell back in her seat, it was a cocky and smug, the kind of laugh she'd heard so many times from Jackson.

"What?" She eyed him suspiciously, the smile falling from her perfectly painted lips.

"Nothing, it's just...it doesn't matter." He was still laughing. She raised her eyebrows in question but he just seemed to laugh harder.

"Ugh, whatever" she pulled the door handle to get out but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back down.

"Babe, c'mon don't be like this" he whined at her. She pulled her arm out of his grasp and climbed out the car. She saw Malia walking across the lot towards what she assumed was her car parked a little further up. She wasn't sure if she'd seen her but if she did she didn't make eye contact.

The strawberry-blonde bent down to look Lucas in the eye "I have class." She slammed the door then not wanting to listen to his artificial apology. She made sure not to look back as she sped walk through the empty hallway in a bid to not be too late. Her mood was touchy and she had a throbbing headache but considering she had a lesson with two werewolves and a kitsune, she couldn't risk them smelling anything on her, it wasn't like they could understand. Smelling Lucas on her though, _that_ she didn't care about. She was hoping they would smell him. Then maybe they would tell Stiles enough times for him to get the message and move on. Maybe if he realised she was over him he could get over her too, then he could stop giving her those heartbroken puppy dog eyes from across the classroom in history, it would also be nice if she didn't have to keep feeling guilty for not being with him. Then maybe she could stand to be around him, then perhaps they could even be friends again. Then maybe last night when she saw that 30 year old man floating on the water she could've called Stiles. He would've been there for her. Unfortunately, they weren't friends, and she didn't call him.

When she found that body the only thing she could do was to suppress her scream to avoid Scott turning up, leave another anonymous tip and go home. That's when she found the pills in her draw, she downed them quickly, her head was throbbing from the whole not screaming thing, and she felt like vomiting from the memory of the dead body. Most of all she felt alone. She couldn't tell Lucas because he didn't exactly know what she was, she couldn't tell her mother because...well she doesn't really tell her mother anything anymore and it wasn't like she had a right to call anyone in the pack. She's pretty sure Liam's the only one who doesn't either love or hate her. She's also pretty sure he knows she's just using him to get information on what's happening in the pack but he doesn't call her out on it. After a few minutes the ketamine kicked in and the numbness took over. She doesn't remember anything after that. Just the way she likes it.

For Stiles, the rest of the day was a blur. He sat in physics class and did all his work. He apologised to his history teacher before class that he didn't do the assignment and told her he had to get home due to a family emergency. He didn't feel like being in the same room as Lydia right now, the teacher excused him from the lesson. He spent the next few hours in the library studying for the quiz he had tomorrow, trying to anyways. He couldn't focus on something as mediocre as school right now when he had something much more concerning to worry about. Was he going to talk to Lydia? Ultimately he knew he had to, but today? He was weighing up his options when someone interrupted his thoughts. He looked up to find Liam and Mason dumping their books on the table he was currently occupying. They were deep in conversation about lacrosse so neither acknowledged the look of pure dismay he shot them when they sat down. After a minute though Liam must have smelt it and looked at him curiously. He ignored them both for the rest of his time there trying his best to just do his stupid work.

* * *

That night he was pacing his room for about an hour. His phone was on speaker on his bed, halfway through a phone call with Scott. He'd called him to help Stiles figure out what to do, he told his best friend earlier that day what happened when he asked why he wasn't eating his lunch. Now Scott was the one telling him to suck it up and go talk to her.

"I know it sucks, but it's better having an awkward conversation now than one when she's behind bars." Scotts voice was fuzzy over the phone

"Really Scott, is it?! At least when she's behind bars there won't be any hands down her pants!" He heard Scott cough awkwardly. They went on like this for a while. Scott was sensible and had a balanced argument, and Stiles...well Stiles just didn't.

That's probably most of the reason why Stiles is now stood outside the Martin house his hand hovering over the wooden door. Natalie's car was gone but Lydia's was still there which meant when he knocked on this door, provided she did open it, it would be Lydia there. She would be within a metre from him. He thought he'd got past the phase where that made him nervous but apparently not. Before he could wimp out he knocked on the door.

It was silent for a while, he almost knocked again when the door opened suddenly. There she was, she was wearing the same thing he saw her in this morning, minus the jacket. Her hair also looked a little wilder as if she'd only just woken up, he daren't look her in the eyes, not sure of what he'd see there. Seeing nothing there would definitely crush him.

"Uh, we need to talk, mind if I come in?"

"Actually, I'm kinda' busy, can we make it quick" he swallowed. She sounded weird, perky.

"Uh, yeah, so my dad knows it's you making all those anonymous calls and he just wanted to warn you that...e-eventually they'll have to trace it and bring you in for questioning, and of course... Y'know I-we can't risk you getting charged so...so err-"

"You want me to just leave the bodies?" She chuckled then. He hated how she sounded as if this was normal for her. As if it'd been no time at all, 'cause for him, it felt like freaking ages since he'd been this close to her.

"No, I just mean that instead of calling the police, you should just call me...or Scott, or just whoever." He bit his thumb nail nervously, not having looked her in the eye the whole time. He was really expecting her to just shut the door in his face or worse.

"Sure, okay. If you think that'll mean I can avoid jail time." She said brightly.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and finally met her eyes. "Yeah? Okay, well I can-" he paused suddenly. Her eyes were just as beautifully green as always, but something wasn't...

* * *

She snuffled a little taking deep breaths. She opened and closed her eyes a little adjusting to the new vision.

"Well...what do you think?" Lucas prodded sitting opposite her. There knees were touching and his hands were on her thighs.

She only laughed in return, her nostrils were burning a little but all in all she felt great. He lent forwards then and kissed her still smiling mouth, they were both off their heads and in no position to make any proper decisions. He pushed her down until he was on top of her. All her senses were on overload, everything felt incredible. He started trailing kisses down her neck and pushing his hand up and under her skirt. He was rough and confident and quick, none of his movements showed hesitation. Her mind started to wander to what Stiles would do differently, whether he'd be gentle at first until she told him to do something. She can imagine him constantly making eye contact with her to check she was okay. She felt a rough palm hitch her leg up and then before she knew what she was doing she heard his name slip from her lips. She stopped moving then, she froze, what the hell was that? She was lucky that Lucas was too preoccupied to notice her little moan, or her body turning to stone. Not to mention he was high as a kite. She shook all thoughts of her ex- _whatever_ and instead focusing on discarding more of the clothes worn by the boy in her bed.

However they both froze when they heard the knocking on the door.

"Who the hell is that?!" Lucas yelled, a little too loudly considering she was right underneath him.

"I'm about to find out" she winked at him playfully as she wriggled out from under him. He didn't say anything as she left him there on the bed and jogged downstairs.

She opened the door too see Stiles. She felt her stomach do little somersaults at the sight of his familiar checked shirt. She wasn't sure what to say at first because not moments ago she was moaning his name with another man. This was awkward. Then she remembered he hadn't heard her moan his name with another man so she was cool. The strawberry blonde proceeded to study his blushing face when she noticed he wasn't looking her in the eye.

"Uh, we need to talk, mind if i come in?" He sounded so nervous it made her want to hug him. Hug him, and kiss him and f-.

She realised then he had asked a question and shook her mind of the sinful thoughts. She thought for a moment about what he asked, then of Lucas upstairs, probably getting himself off. "Actually, I'm kinda' busy, can we make it quick?".

His eyes wandered to something behind her before locking at the doorframe again. She withheld a smirk at his nervousness.

He started talking then, something about her not calling the police, she tried to focus on what he was saying but being hopped up and cocaine made if difficult to focus an the right things. Currently she couldn't stop thinking about his lips, how soft they looked, how they seemed to curl around each syllable, what they would feel like between her thighs. She mentally scolded herself for getting off topic, again.

After a bit of a push he finally spat out what he was trying to say, "you should just call me" he said something else but she didn't hear it. He was so scared of her, he looked like he would flinch if she so much as swallowed.

"Sure, okay." She smiled at him when he finally met her gaze.

He let out a long breath "Yeah? Okay, well I can-" he looked so relieved, happy. Then she realised he was frozen. She frowned then, confused for a moment. He was still, just staring at her...in the eye.

She looked away, blinking, panic was coursing through her veins. He knows, crap, he saw her eyes, he knows.

She turned away but he caught her face in both his hands. His eyes were so focused, but there was something else there, He stared at her for all of 3 seconds where she just stared in shock before pushing past her and into the house. He was angry and forceful. He didn't hurt her but she knew that wasn't down to anything but him being him.

If it wasn't Stiles she may actually be scared. "Stiles, stop okay, just calm down." She tried to reason with him, holding her hands out soothingly. He turned to look at her like he was about to say something. Then with sudden movements he went for the stairs.  
She grabbed his arm as he reached the first step and tried to pull him back, begging him to stop, "Stiles, please, don't!" She was crying now. Panic and drugs making an awful combination.

He shook her off and continued up the stairs, she tried to keep up with him but his legs were much longer that hers. She wasn't sure she'd ever been this scared of what someone might think of her. He didn't hesitate in barging into her room, she followed closely behind only to see Lucas pulling a shirt on, laughing and shaking his head. She swallowed heavily. Tears flowing freely as she watched the torturous life she had created for herself fall apart.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion, Stiles walked around the bed to see her bedside table littered with rows of white powder, a rolled up 20 lying there. Lydia covered her mouth to stop the sob escaping. He eyes squeezing shut as if she could just stop time with her mind and take a minute to breathe.

"Get out." Stiles sounded strangely calm causing her eyes to jump open, he wasn't looking at Lucas, his eyes still focused on their little hobby with his hunched shoulders and hooded eyes, but they all knew who Stiles was referring to. She held her breath expecting some sort of argument, but he just walked right past him, they didn't even make eye contact.

She saw his smirk as he walked to go past her. For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her, some spiteful move to piss off their company, but then she felt a hand on her shoulder, and then nothing. He'd just left her. She barely heard his heavy footsteps down the stairs.

Then they were alone. Stiles was still staring at the drugs. Lydia was still silently sobbing, hoping to a deity that she didn't believe in, for something that she knew could never happen.

In a blink he was in front of her then, his hand was on the back of her neck, the other one squeezing her hand. "We're going to the hospital, okay? Lydia can you hear me?" His eyes were searching hers. The pools of whiskey coloured concern making her heart jump.

"No no no no no" she pulled away from him, moving out of his grasp.

"Lydia, we need to go now" he was speaking so clearly.

"No, I can't Stiles, please. They're gonna'...they'll-" She groaned angrily, the words on the tip of her tongue, she just couldn't say them. She could see it all playing out in her head. They'd take her to the hospital where they'd call her mom. Then she'd get look upon look from her mom, her dad the police. That look of heartbreaking disappointment she seemed so familiar with. She begged him with her eyes but he barely seemed to be registering anything other than her incredibly dilated pupils.

"Yes, you can, okay? You can, you can do it." He took a hold of her hand again, looking her in the eyes so surely. "Just take deep breaths okay, deep breaths." He started mimicking it and she copied. She took a few deep breaths and felt her body coming to.  
"You're gonna be okay Lyds. Everything's gonna be fine, they're just gonna get rid of all the shit in your system and then you'll be fine, that's all." His eyes were so honest, it was like he just knew everything already. Every thought and secret she kept to make herself feel like she wasn't attached, to anyone or anything. He looked as if he could see inside her soul.

It went in a blur after that, she felt numb as he flushed everything he could find down the toilet all the while muttering that he was gonna fix this. He promised her over and over again with shaking hands he would fix this.

He held her hand all the way to the car, and he spoke reassurances all the way to the hospital. He opened the door for her when they arrived and helped her climb out. He put an arm around her waist to support her walking into the sterile building. He held her hand still but she used him more as a crutch leaning all her weight on him as her body began to feel weak. He could feel her hand shaking in his. He was definitely panicking. He had no experience with this stuff and he had no idea what was happening right now.  
They got a few strange looks as they walked into the hospital, probably because Lydia looked like she'd been crying for hours. He whispered a little prayer as he saw Melissa signing something at the desk in front of them. She looked up towards them as if she could sense they were there. The look on her face was of pure horror.

"Oh god, Stiles, what happened?" She stalked towards them looking them both up and down.

"Can you help her?" His voice sounded like it was at breaking point. He just needed Melissa to help.

He saw her visibly swallow looking at Lydia's eyes, she knew.

They were led into a small hospital room where Melissa hooked her onto an IV. The tension was palpable, but he didn't care. All his focus was consumed by the broken little thing in front of him.

"It'll empty her blood of the toxins, but it might take a while."

"I'll wait." He stated without a moment to think.

"You can't call my mum." Lydia begged, her cheeks stained with tears. It hurt him so much to just look at her. Why didn't he do something sooner? God, he should've helped her.

"Shh, sweetie, don't worry okay?, you just rest." Melissa stoked her hair soothingly which seems to calm her down. She gave Stiles a small smile before leaving them alone. He took her hand in his and held it up to his lips. She turned to look at him through lidded eyes. Neither of them said anything.

He sat with her for a few hours while she slept his mouth still pressed to her knuckles. After a while he started to feel tears roll down his cheeks. He loved her so much. This girl who was lying in front of him, a complete mess of a person, he was completely and hopelessly in love with. And he knew she felt the same. Perhaps she didn't love him as much as he did her but she did love him. She had to.

* * *

Melissa didn't call Lydia's mum, but she did call Scott, who was with Kira, who called Malia. And Liam's dad called Liam who thankfully didn't tell Mason or Hayden. They all stopped by for a while. Scott didn't leave the hospital all night but he kept his distance in the waiting rooms. Kira came and sat with them for a bit, but her dad told her she had to come home after an hour. Malia and Liam both visited for a while, he was grateful that neither of them asked what happened. He wasn't in the mood to explain it all.

He must've fallen asleep at some point because when he opened his eyes the IV that was connected to Lydia was gone, she was still sleeping soundly her hand tucked protectively between his. He wanted to smile at the pure beauty and innocence she always seemed to have, even now. But he felt a painful stab in his chest as the corners of his lips quirked up. He couldn't bring himself to smile while she was like this.

"Stiles, hey you want some coffee?" He probably wouldn't of heard Scotts voice if it wasn't so eerily quiet at 3:30am in a hospital. He tore his eyes away from the sleeping form in front of him to look at Scott's outstretched hand, he had two to-go cups from the coffee shop down the street. One was hanging loosely at his side, while the other was held out to Stiles like some sort of olive branch. He grimaced at the need he felt for caffeine and accepted it gratefully.

The hot beverage was a welcomed heat that slipped down his throat delightfully familiarly. He noticed Lydia's nose twitch adorably, probably at the scent of coffee that seemed to hover in the irritatingly small room, and he felt a warmth settle in his stomach. The poor guy was definitely a goner.

"You should get out of here for a bit, get some fresh air." He eyed Scott warily.

"I'm good." Stiles sounded slightly confused, as if Scott could think fresh air was enough to get him to leave.

"Seriously dude, if you stay hauled up in here you're gonna start smelling even worse." He rolled his eyes at his friends lame excuse, too tired to think of a sarcastic comment.

"Its only been a few hours, calm down." Stiles sighed, his eyes returning to there usual focal point. She hadn't stirred despite their muttered conversations.

"Stiles, please, just take a minute, the room seriously stinks." Scott persisted with his hopeless attempts.

"Stinks?! Stinks...what of-? Of what?" Stiles stuttered over his words in typical Stiles sense with more than an edge of annoyance and sarcasm.

"I don't know, worry, y'know?" Scott shrugged sympathetically.

Stiles' mouth fell into and 'o' as he realised what his wolf friend had meant. His tone was softer then, "I thought you meant-"

"I know what you thought, Stiles." Scott said with the slight smile he had when Stiles got short tempered with him. He might've even chuckled if it wasn't for the obvious tension in the room.

"Just take a breather, settle some nerves and then you can come back and I won't bother you again." Stiles through a questioning glance at Scott.

"Why are you so intent on getting me to leave?" Stiles narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Scott gave an irritated groan and he opened his mouth to reply but was cut off before one syllable could even leave his throat. "Do you know something I don't or...?" Stiles trailed off with raised eyebrows, leaving the sentence open for Scott to explain his reasoning.

"Stiles, please, can I not just have a minute with Lydia." Scott sounded a little desperate but Stiles knew he was just tired at trying to be subtle.

"Sure, have as many minutes as you want." Stiles gestured to the seat on the opposite side of the bed with his coffee cup, the one that had previously been occupied by their fellow kitsune.

"Alone, Stiles." Scott sighed, loud enough for him to hear his annoyance.

"Why?" Stiles shrugged. He wasn't sure why he was feeling so protective, he definitely wasn't protective because of Scott, but there was something that made him want to resist leaving her with anyone but himself.

"Stiles, for once in your life can you please just do something without questioning everything." He added on an extra 'please' just for effect.

Stiles sighed and looked longingly at Lydia again. "Fine, I need to call my dad anyway, tell him I'll be home late." He let her hand slip from his hoping she wouldn't wake up while he was gone. "You've got 5 minutes." He clapped Scott on the shoulder before leaving them alone, whispering a little prayer under his breath that she'd wait until he came back to open her pretty green eyes.

* * *

"Lydia." Wary hazel eyes opened to meet his warm brown ones. Scott had taken Stiles' empty seat after he left so that he could look her in the eye. She winced as she opened them, guilt obvious on her features.

"Hey, Scott." She sounded timid, as if he was gonna' blow up in her face at the slightest thing.

"Really thought you could get away with it? You didn't think I'd hear your heartbeat pick up." She let out a deep breath at his words, he had a light smile on his face. He wasn't mad.

"Damn your stupid werewolf senses." She groaned as she tried to sit up, her muscles aching from lying still for so long. She had tried so hard as not to alert Stiles that she was awake, that her body felt like a ton of bricks. Scott being Scott quickly reached up to support her into a sitting position. The black veins appeared on his arms for a few moments and she felt the tension in her body fade a little. She sat, her legs crossed Indian style, and leant forwards on her elbows as if ready to share secrets like a couple of pre-pubescent teens on a sleepover. Something felt wrong about looking down at Scott. In some weird twisted way, she felt like he deserved to be the one looking down on her.

"Didn't wanna' talk to him, huh?" Scott lent back in his chair looking at Lydia with observant eyes. Lydia chose not to answer, instead choosing to look away, fiddling with a thread on her top. "He's gonna' wanna' talk eventually." Lydia still refused to meet his gaze. "You can't pretend to be asleep for the rest of your life." Scott tapped just above her knee, finally causing brown to meet green again.

"I know, it's just- I know what he's going to say and think and- and ask." It sounded like an admission and Scott didn't want to waste the opportunity.

"Ask? You mean ask why you... _y'know_?" Lydia withheld a smile at Scott's inability to say what she did aloud. He was leaning forwards, looking so dedicated to getting her to spill her guts. She loved Scott, she really did. And she trusted him, more so than most people. After everything they'd been through he'd always been the hero, whether it was for her or literally anyone else.

She sighed and took a deep breath. "Yeah, he's gonna' want to know why, and I don't think I have it in me to tell him, not the truth at least."

"Why?" Scott's whisper was only just heard over the bustle outside. Despite there being none.

"Because it was his fault." She looked away then, the hurt expression on his face too saddening to look at. "At least that's the way he'll see it."

Scott's face relaxed if only slightly. "Why would h-" she watched Scott's face suddenly just pause. His eyes unfocused as he looked at a spot above her head.

"Scott, what is it-?" He cut her off abruptly wafting a hand in her face in an attempt to shh her.

"Hey, don't 'shh' me." She was about to let another snarky remark roll off her tongue when she saw Scott's eyes change. A blood red seeped into his pupils blocking out the brown completely. She flinched momentarily, the fear of scarlet eyes was by all means a reflex by now. She watched in silence, she could tell he was focusing on something else completely, a scent, a sound? Definitely not something in the same room.

"Scott what is it?" When he looked at her again the warm chocolate had returned and a sense of relief washed over, it didn't last long though.

"Someone's here, I think it's Miller..." All she could do was groan.

* * *

Stiles hit his phone against his palm again as if magically the little red bar flashing angrily at him would just hold out a little longer. It didn't. He groaned loud enough for a woman sat a couple metres from him to give him a disgruntled look.

He ignored it and strode over to the desk asking the nurse there politely if he could borrow the phone.

"Yeah, just a sec" she smiled before dropping the papers she was shuffling to the side.

"Excuse me, I'm here to see Lydia Martin, do you know where I can find her?"

Stiles' head snapped up so fast he could've sworn that was what whiplash felt like. The dirty blonde haired kid he'd hoped and preyed no one would ever see again was looking up at him in surprise.

"Look, dude-" He held his hands out in front of him as if trying to tame a wild animal.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" Stiles said every word patronisingly clearly not looking away from his disgustingly blue eyes once.

"Look, I just wanna' check she's okay."

"Is everything alright here?" The nurse leaned forwards, understandably uneasy.

"Yeah, it's fine." Before either of them could respond he took the blonde by the surprising small forearm and pulled him further into the waiting room.

"Look, I know what you must be thinking-" Stiles rounded on him the second he heard a whisper from his mouth.

"Do you, 'cause I don't think you do." Stiles was thankful in that moment that he had a good 3 inches on the guy or this whole intimidation thing he was going at might not have been so effective.

"Look, I know how I left but I'm okay now."

"You mean you're not high anymore?" Stiles' voice was dripping with a disgust that matched his eyes so well.

"No, that's not- I mean, I'm not-" Stiles watched with raised eyebrows as the boy stuttered in front of him. He couldn't help but take pleasure in how the boy, who was at least a couple years older than him, seemed so nervous.

"Do you have any idea what you did?! You hooked a girl onto God knows what, you took advantage of her, you-!" He bit into his fist to calm himself down. A humourless laugh playing on his lips.

"You think you can just apologise, you're never gonna' see her again, do you understand that, can you process that, or has the crack killed to many brain cells for you to-"

"You can't stop me from seeing her." He looked at Stiles with a frown, his tone calm and a complete contrast to the way Stiles was angry whispering seconds ago.

"Like hell I can't" Stiles took a step closer staring down at the boy with conviction.

"If she wants to speak to me I'm not gonna' push her away, okay?" His voice began to gain a little momentum and Stiles had a feeling this wasn't going to go down easily.

"Y-"

"Stiles?!" Stiles spun on his heal at the sound of his friends voice. "Stiles, c'mon, she doesn't wanna' see him." Stiles squinted for a minute before realising what Scott was saying.

He turned back to say something else to Miller but found him to have backed up a metre away. He rolled his eyes deciding seeing Lydia was more important than anything this guy had to say.

He walked away with apologies of not being there when she woke already lining up on his tongue, when he was halted in his tracks and turned back around by that goddam voice.

"I know you all see me as the bad guy but you're wrong." Him and Scott were both watching him now, like pack dogs ready to pounce. "Despite what you think I did care about her. And I didn't force those drugs down her throat. There was a reason she took those, and that's on you." He felt rather than saw Scott tense next to him. He definitely tensed himself. His fists curled at his sides and a low, feral growl came from somewhere inside him. He knew he should be confused, curious as to what Miller seemed to be claiming to know, but that feeling was drowned out like white on a sea of red.

He spoke with narrowed eyes and a sarcastic tilt to his head. "Yeah, it turns out she gets pretty honest when she's off 'er head."

The only way he could think to describe the feeling he had in that moment was to compare it to when someone pushes a pin to a balloon. The slight pressure at first, then more and more until suddenly pop. His feet moved at first on instinct and then he was moving them. He had fleeting thoughts of a bruised fist he might get in an hour and an angry strawberry blonde he'd have to face in less time when out of nowhere he got release. He didn't even have to do anything. He watched his best friends fist collide with Millers jaw and that was enough. He stopped in shock and awe as he watched the guy cradle his jaw in pain. He knew Scott had held back because, well...he was still alive. But he sure as hell let him have it.

He watched his best friend lean close towards the guy and cursed his damn human hearing as Scott whispered something.

"I just did you a favour, okay?" Scott managed to keep his voice eerily calm as he whispered to the bruised boy quietly enough hat he was sure Stiles couldn't hear.

"Because you see that boy you just pissed off. He'd've done a lot worse than a bruised jaw. So what you're gonna' do is you're gonna' pick yourself up, walk out of here, and you're never gonna' talk to Lydia again, okay? I don't care if she bugs you for weeks, if you go within one metre of her then I'm gonna' do a lot worse than a bruised jaw. Do we have an understanding?"

He kept his eyes trained on the boy as he scurried away, until his fleeting figure disappeared in the lift. When he turned around the honey eyes he was expecting were nowhere to be seen.

* * *

"Lydia?" She perked up from her spot to see Stiles' face appear in the doorway, he looked like he'd been running or something as he panted until he stood in front of her. She just about reached his shoulder as she sat in the same position Scott had left her in a few minutes ago. His eyes were searching hers, relieved to find her pupils back to normal.

"What happened, where's Lucas?"

"Don't worry about it he's gone." Stiles continued effectively cutting off her inevitable questions. "How are you feeling, I'm sorry, I should've been there- here. I had to call my dad and then- sorry, I'm here now. I promise I'm gonna fix everything, just whatever you need ask, okay? We're gonna' get you all the help you need and-" she cut off his incessant ramblings with a pull around the back of his neck.

She tugged him down until she could just bury her head in the crook of his neck. She felt his stiffen for a moment before she felt a hand in her hair and another splayed across her back. She tried her best not to cry but she couldn't control her emotions when she was this tired. He felt the little hiccups she released onto his skin, and she felt the tightening grip on her waist. She couldn't remember the last time someone had so blatantly cared about her this much. He'd done more for her in the course of one night than every boyfriend she'd ever had combined, and he didn't even know. The silence that settled over them was the most relaxed few minutes she'd had in the last year.

She made a promise to herself then and there that even if it took her her entire life, she'd make damn sure Stiles knew how much he meant to her. She wasn't sure how she'd felt for him before, but sitting with him wrapped around her now, she knew she loved this boy more than life itself, and she knew by the way he looked at her as he pulled away, that he loved her too, he always had.


End file.
